Wow, the 2nd April

and I am still working! and more to the point, enjoying it, despite being rarely in the Frame shop. It appears that this time of year is a slow part of the year for framing so even though they are swamp with work, they don't have the hours to have more than 1 framer at a time on duty. Most days there isn't a framer in the shop until 11 which is the time the head framer arrives. So if you need a frame, goes in the pm, as that is when the framer is most likely to be in.

This "hours" available in retail still baffles me. The same thing happens in all stores from what I can gather. Basically it means if you have slack sales, the staff hours are cut and it varies each week. So if last week was a slow one, this week the hours will be cut so if the shop gets mobbed, there are not any staff available, so staff are called in at late notice ( so might not be available) and the following week there might be more hours because Wednesday was mobbed. And so the merry go round goes on and on.

So if you walk into a shop and there are no staff, it means sales are slack and you are not going to get serve quickly and if like me, that happens to you too many times, (like 3 times in row) you are not going to go back. Too many customers like me and those hours get cut even more, ending up with even more lost customers. Weird way to manage if you ask me but it seems be prevalent in all retail shops.

Anyway all this working is playing havoc with my creative time. I had gotten myself into a routine when I would settle into working in the afternoons and evenings (unless I was feeling miserable which was too often). Now I have to fit it in with the housework and an ever changing timetable. No two weeks are the same at work, which is another of the mysteries of retail. Why can't they do a regular schedule? Each week I see the person responsible for the rota, pulling her hair out putting people, here there and everywhere. Once the rota is posted (like today for next week), you see people trading times as they have already made arrangements for that day. How are people meant to organise their lives if they don't know what hours they are working from week to week. Of course, it comes back to the available 'hours' again.

So basically my creative time is screwed up which means I am not doing very much creative stuff but I am getting there. Last night, despite being really tired, I pushed myself to finish off the curtains I was making. Of course, being a complete novice at this task. it is taking me way too long.

So what else is happening in my life apart from work. Not much to be honest. Alan and Emily are at their respective colleges. Emily appears to be doing well and should pass her finals comfortably. Hopefully we will go and visit her either this weekend or next (depends on my work schedule which is unknown at this moment in time) All too soon she will have completed her first year and then she will moving into an apartment in August.

Alan? Alan, well, lets just say, its in the air at the moment. There may well be decision made re his future in the coming months but whatever they are, he will cope with it. We don't know how his future is panning out but he isn't freaking out about it, so we aren't because only Alan knows what goes on in that head of his. Basically he knows the score as far as we are concerned and only he can decide how that turns out.

Elisabeth is still in San Marcos and somehow, that town has sucked whatever life she had in her, out of her. She seems to have lost that driving force that was with her in the beginning and is settling for what she has which is not the girl we knew and loved. However, she is making the decisions now and its her life. Her father and I have given up on giving any advice because any we give, is just toss to the side. Now I know she will read this and blow hot with rage, saying we don't understand and she will be right, we don't understand. She is almost 23 now, so despite our misgivings about what appears to be a surrender to a life she hates, she is the one who is in charge of her life.

I am sure all our parents when through exactly the same things, in fact, I know my Mum and Dad still worry like mad about all their girls but that is the other part of parenting, letting go and letting the child make the mistakes. Its hard to watch and its hard not to despair but most of the time, it works out because the ground work was done in childhood.

So we are learning to let go and watch from the sidelines, just as we did when they first went to school but now its the real deal. It so bloody hard!!!

Cedar Fever!

it started last night with sneezing, watery eyes and a increasing headache, its the dreaded cedar fever symdrome. When I first moved here, I thought whats all the fuss about but as the years have passed and the effect on me has gotten worse, now I know what all the fuss is about, believe me.

Unfortunately I ran out of my usual allergy medication and hadn't gotten around to buying some more. Last night in a last resort, I actually took one of Gordon's pills and this morning my symptons weren't so bad but the grinding headache was still there. In addition to the headache, everytime I blink, I get this awful 'zooming' sound in my ears which is obviously the air pressure in my sinuses going up and down.

I had taken a painkiller in the early morning but it did nothing to my headache so I took a vicodin substitute we have around and that has helped somewhat with the headache but it still there grinding its way over the right side of my head and behind my eye. So basically I feel like crap!

Today I was meant to be volunteering but as I tearing up so much and my head hurt so much, I had to reluctantly call in to cancel. However, I did volunteer on Wednesday, unexpectedly as it was that time for the volunteer fair at the University of Texas. I was meant to start at 10 but Martha is so busy she completely forgot I was coming so I had to wait for her before I could set up. Which meant I had a chance to see the new exhibition, The Virgin, Saints, and Angels. It is a wonderful show but then I am a sucker for religious iconography anyway. I don't think you can beat painting from that era where religion and painting were intimately involved. Mixed with another culture and it becomes another creature altogether.



Over the last couple of days, I have talking with Elisabeth a lot and it is so good to hear her excited about something again. As I mentioned in a previous post, she is becoming frustrated with her search for work related to her degree because although she interviews well, she isn't getting the jobs because she doesn't have enough experience (she has been told that.) On top of that, she is missing the stimulus that studying gave her (weird to think that studying can give you kick). So she has bitten the bullet and is actively looking for a graduate course, she wants to do. If all fails, she has at least got the graduate place she gained at San Marcos but she wants to broaden her horizons, so that is really a last option. She would still be in TX though as out of state fees are prohibitive to say the least, they are bad enough in state!

Anyway, thats all for now, hopefully I will feel better tomorrow as the cedar count is meant to be down today but they expect it to high tomorrow. By then though, maybe the allergy medication will have kicked in.

An update

I have just finished talking to my eldest daughter on the phone and the ugly issue of health insurance has reared its head. Because Elisabeth has now graduated she can no longer be claimed as a dependant on our health insurance. We were hoping she would get a job with health benefits but not so far.

Elisabeth has barely used it in the past but wouldn't you Adam and Eve it, now she is no longer a dependent, she has some health issues which given her health history, needs to be seen to asap. So it was onto the phone with the company benefits and getting the cobra option that is available and provides continuous coverage until she get her own insurance, It is expensive option but then X,000,000 in treatments is also expensive.

Hopefully its is just a cyst that is erupting and will clear itself up but now she knows she is covered by insurance, she can relax. Thank god we have good health insurance for now, I think we are becoming increasingly lucky in that aspect according to a lot of the data available.

Well the house is quite again as all the kids are back in school which of course means the money is flowing freeing from the bank account. So the pressure is back on me to get a job. I did have a interview lined up for AT&T for next Monday but then they announced some losses yesterday,so a freeze hire has been put in place. Given the state of the economy, I suspect this will become common issue over the next few months at least. At the moment I have one application which is looking promising with a state dept as I am being screened but as I wait for that I am scouring the Internet for other likely jobs.

On the art side, I have been very active (well for me anyway). This writers strike has been a boon for me, as there is very little left on TV I want to watch and what I do like to watch, I tivo so I can watch when I am in the mood for it. So much as I sympathise with the writers (totally on their side on this issue), long may the strike continue. If it keeps going , my TV addition might be conquered. Now I just have to work on my Internet addition:)

I drunk too much tonight

which is the reason I am here at 3.38 am and now I am suffering the consequences but I enjoyed whilst it lasted. Currently I am at that stage where you feel very thirsty but nothing quenches your thirst and a slight headache is there.

At least there there will be a reason for the headache today. Yesterday before I started drinking I was miserable. I had a headache again! I suspect that I am allergic to ragweed as it seems to coincide with those particular high pollens and my uterus was cramping like mad! If I didn't know better I would think I was about to start my period. So I was in the mood to go mad on the alcohol front despite my diet and it worked, for few brief hours, my pain was gone. That was good. I can live with headache because I was bad and I enjoyed it.

Yesterday evening was good, Elisabeth was home for a few hours and she is so much more positive about her future. She is looking good as well. She is busy applying for jobs which will take her out of state but that is good. I know she will be succeed in getting a job and the world is her oyster. It is great to see her so positive after all the negativity of the last year.

Emily phoned on Friday and she is beginning to to see the long hard road that lies ahead of her in the art world which is good because you need to how far you have to climb to achieve your goals. I have been telling her all the time that if you want to go into the arts, its a long hard road but until you are there, its hard to appreciate how hard that road is. Too many kids go into the Arts thinking its the easy option but its not. Its like anything in life, aim high and you might get somewhere near where you want to be in the end.

Anyway, the alcohol is beginning to wear off now and reality will hit hard in the next few hours. OK, I am sworn off wine and beer for the next 6 days, sugar where is the sugar?

I am quietly steaming at the moment

as a lovely day has been ruined the moment we stepped back into the house.



We have been down to see our eldest daughter in San Marcos so she could sign the forms for the loan we are co signing with her. She is just ending her degree in Biology and will be starting her Masters later this year but in the meantime she doesn't have a job. She just doesn't have the time at the moment with her internship with the fisheries dept and summer school to finish her degree. Despite the fact it has an unsettling few weeks for her as she faced the reality of our financial support ending on the 1st of August, she seems so much happier with her life these past few months, than she has for a long time.



So we had a lovely lunch at the Riverside bar and then went to see where she will be living for at least the next year. To be honest the place she is in at the moment is a dump. Her and her friend ended up with a room-mate from hell for the past year, as far as I can tell. Then the street she is living on, is just a street of students so no-one cares what it looks like. There is litter comprising of kegs, beer cans and a variety of furniture all around, it really is disgusting to be honest, no wonder the people of San Marcos aren't keen on Students! Fortunately, the place where she is going next is in a neighbourhood of working people who have pride in their surroundings. We didn't actually go into Elisabeth's apartment because the room-mate from hell, had been his usual inconsiderate self.



Anyway back to the beginning of this post, Alan was acting strangely and no wonder. As his girlfriend stood nervously on the stairwell, he introduced us to his 6 month old puppy he had purchased from Petsmart. This is despite the fact, we already have dog and 2 cats. Despite the fact we have said for a considerable while, no more pets. Most importantly of all, DESPITE the fact he will be returning to San Antonio in August to University housing, thus no PETS ALLOWED!



I really don't know what to do with him! He is failing badly at college, has no idea of what he really wants to do in life and now he thinks we will simply fall in love with another dog! He is out at the moment, taking his girlfriend home. However, as he left I asked what he was going to do with the puppy. "Nothing" "Well your Dad wants you return it to the shop". "Well, then he can return I'm not" I said " Well he will then".

So, Gordon is walking Angus, no doubt getting angier and angier Then no doubt it will become explosive and we will be going around avoiding Alan, vice versa. I am not looking forward to it but I agree with Gordon on this issue.

WHY WHY WHY?

postscript

We have taken the puppy back, leaving us with an over riding sense of guilt and a very unhappy Alan. Not only that, they refused to pay back the adoption fee of $125, no doubt hoping we would change our minds. However, we had to show Alan we can't take on every animal he decides to bring home. Skara was his last pet in distress and we wouldn't be without her now which is exactly what would have happened this time if we didn't take the puppy straight back.

MOOD =

My sewing machine

is not completely lost as stated by Sew Much More. In fact it transpires they didn't even look at the machine as the transformer and UK cable connection I put it in with it, wasn't even disturbed from the plastic baggies I had given them. It still had the same knot! They must have connected it to a 110v plug (the foot control socket on the machine to be fair is 3 prong) and of course it wouldn't work.

Anyway, Gordon is even more convinced it was a ploy to get me to buy a new sewing machine and it might well have been but obviously I was opened to the sell. So my machine is still working although its still very clunky sounding. All it needed was some grease and some tender care, oh, and the foot press to be more tightly on.

Just had a good conversation with Elisabeth and although it is daunting to her (as I am sure it is to any student trying to get a good career) she is accepting the fact that she will be up to her eyes in debt for the next decade or so.

I really don't know how you are meant to encourage kids to get into good careers like Biology when they face a life of debt but that is the way life seems to be now. If I had been 22, faced with 30-40,000 in debt I doubt I would have even considered it. My £200 at the time seemed bad enough as my parents always encourage me not to be in debt That is only the equivalent of £526.29 but that seem like a huge debt.

Now kids are getting into mortgage size debts to get an education. According the BBC website, the average debt for students in the UK is now £22,000 and in an a recent USA News today article in seem being in debt over $100,000 seems to be common. ITS JUST RIDICULOUS, especially with so many jobs these day demanding a masters degree as a entry level jobs.

I had moment of impulse (part 1)

which ruined my day and I still don't know how I feel about it.

It was the end of a unscheduled 24 hours.


Few things happened, none of them that big or out of the ordinary but combined made me edgy,angry and excited , not a good thing, in light of early afternoon.

Basically, my eldest daughter made me feel like a bad parent as we are finally terminating her car insurance payments paid by us, so she has to pay for her own insurance. She is beginning to panic because come August all our financial support will be gone and now she is wondering how she is going to live.

I am panicking because I know she has been walking with her head in the sand for so long that despite knowing that we would be stopping her allowance this year she hasn't done anything. It was going to be on her 22nd birthday but now August and she has still not figure out loans etc. Of course that makes me and Her Dad worry but we have say NO eventually, especially with Emily beginning University next year.


Anyway she managed to make me feel even more guilty with her 2nd call of the day, yesterday as she has got herself a job for the summer at IHOP. This will be on top her research work (not paid as per norm for intern work but will give her credits for her master apparently) and summer classes starting this week. ( which reminds me there must be fees to be paid but no notification from the University - why?)

That made me feel terrible as here am I, just slopping around the house and seemingly unable to get a job! Not that would make a difference because even if I had a job, we would be stopping her allowance, paying for a degree and 4 yrs of living expenses doesn't seem that bad. However, kids have a way of guilting you as most parents will agree. So that put me on edge and slightly angry but not explosively angry. Just normal parental frustration.

The other thing that had me on edge was the welfare of Angus, our dog. After being at the vets for a day and us waiting around for blood tests, it turns out he has a bacterial infection but nothing serious.

Excitement was caused by Emily, my youngest, nearly 18, getting her first car. Anxiety caused by the fact my little girl has a CAR! She was delighted of course, despite the fact she now owes us a considerable amount of money (well considerable to her). SHOCK because at the beginning of the day we hadn't planned on getting a car although I have been looking without success for a good month now. It seems decadent to have 5 cars amongst 5 people but what else are you do with no public transport and everyone going in different directions.

Disappointment at only losing 0.8lbs at weight watchers but pleased that I am now putting myself forward at weight watchers, giving anecdotal answers, knowing I should be more confident and outgoing to be more successful.
.

Today was the annual boob sqeezing

event at the local radiological center in Round Rock. In addition to being pushed and squeezed the way no boob should be, I had my first bone scan, signs that old age is knocking at the door if I don't watch it. I suppose I should be grateful as if I was in the UK, with no family history of breast cancer, I wouldn't have even had a mammogram yet.

However, it seems the more tests the better over here, as I have good insurance and that is the big BUT. Since I have move over here I have had an MRI of my head and my back, xrays of my back, colonscopy, a couple of ultrasounds of my uterus, 5 mammograms, a bone density scan and too many blood tests to count plus other things I am sure.

My next visit to my gynaecologist will be to discuss an vaginal vault repair I need for rectocele caused in no small part by having 1 baby of 8lbs 12oz and the last being 10lbs 3ozs, getting stuck by the shoulders in the process. I must admit I have known I had a problem for years but the thought of an operation just wasn't a happy thought but recently the problem has become just too bad to ignore.

Well, my life seems to have taken over by the kids or should I say the house has been taken over by Alan. He doesn't do much but somehow his presence is everywhere. At the moment I am on the PC because that way I can escape from the surround sound which is currently blasting out at the moment, as he and his girlfriend watch some horror dvd. At night, in our bedroom, you hear his voice booming as he talks to his girlfriend on the phone for 2 hours (his room is above ours). It not that he is shouting, far from it but his voice is deep and resonance much further than a normal voice for some reason.

Poor Elisabeth is having a tough week. She had a lot to cheer about last Friday as she has been accepted officially for the masters program she applied for. However, since then her truck (an 1995 S10) has collapse on her, probably needing a new water pump and then yesterday, she switch on her PC and nothing! Even worse than that, this week she is 22 so we have finally said, no more car insurance and come August, she is on her own financially. I must admit I feel really really bad about that and worry how she is going to cope but then other 22 yrs do. However, that doesn't stop me worrying. At least she is guarantee a TA job which will pay her fees for the course but then she needs to find loans for living expenses. Somehow I think she will need to cut back on some things she is going to find hard to do.

Emily had her rehearsal for the graduation today, another one tomorrow and then the real deal on Friday.

So tomorrow I need to buy a small graduation gift (about $20) and a present for Elisabeth for her birthday on Saturday. I know what I am getting (she has already had some it when she gave down last week) but I can't say at the moment as she does read this blog sometimes. Its not a traditional gift, she might be insulted by it but she needs it, so hopefully she will be happy.

I have officially become the Parent from Hell!

We did a quick pit stop of a visit to my daughter, Elisabeth, in San Marcos today, so Gordon could do a quick repair on her car. I was in two minds about going as I really didn't have anything to do there but today is my check in day with weight watchers. I have noticed if I don't attend WW my weight begins to slip back up and as I am nowhere near the my target weight, that's not such a good thing. So it was WW weigh in (lost ½ lb, better than nothing I suppose), then off to San Marcos.

So why have I become the mother from Hell? Because instead of greeting my beloved daughter with a cheery smile and hug (not something we do anyway, we are weird like that)the first statement that came out of my mouth as I entered the door, was: "so you think you will get your deposit back, do you?" as I surveyed the wine stained carpet and the inch of dust accumulating on the ceiling fan. Recently I have noticed I have become a right nag of a mother to Elisabeth especially but the other 2 are suffering from it too. She will say something like "I got a B for chemistry today" and my reply will be "Congrats BUT......" pointing out something I think she should have done or should be doing. If I was her I would be avoiding me like the pits.

Anyway today has been almost complete waste of a day so far, so better get on with doing something positive.

Mother"s day

just a couple of pics of the weekend.

Alan arrived home with all his stuff yesterday and Elisabeth is home for the night at least, so we are five some again. I love having all the family around for a few days at a time.

Today is Mother's day in the US (Mothers day in the UK is the 4th Sunday of Lent.) Emily bought me a huge bouquet of Flowers and the most delicious chocolate covered strawberries.

Elisabeth came home this afternoon and gave me a selection of stamps based on Mexican cravings. She really must be in tune with my artist endeavours at the moment as unbeknown her I have been reading about and drawing Mexican symbols for a few weeks now.

Alan forgot it was Mother's day until his girlfriend reminded him yesterday but by then it was too late as he was on his way to his best friend Anna's prom. He may sound more Texan than Scottish these day but he will never give up being proud of his roots.

dressed up for the prom

Me

I am so bored at the moment:

Me- I was born in 1957 so that makes me 50 later on this year, in August to be exact. When I was 20, I thought 50 was very old. Now I am here, I am still struggling to see where exactly life is going and thinking its not so old now. So when my eldest daughter, 22 this month, worries she still doesn't know where life is taking her (apart from being in debt) I tell her not to worry because no-one can tell where life is going to take you but face up to challenges, don't run away from them.

When I was 22, I was just leaving college with my degree but unlike my determined daughter, I meekly went home and waited for life to happen. What I should have done, was to stay in Bath and discovered life but I was a coward, always have been. My parents welcomed me home with open arms but forget about the artist life and being student, now you need to get on with real life. They never said that to me but it was implied and I gratefully accepted the offer. They wanted what was best for me and that was a steady job in an office. I was a coward and refused to face up to the challenge of my dreams, accepting that this was my life now.

When I was 23 I met Gordon who became my life and then my kids. I sunk into the life which is now mine. I cannot blame anyone for my life but ME. I can say, my mum was bad (she wasn't) my Dad was a dreamer ( he is), Gordon loves having me as stay at home which is why I became a stay at home mum (he does) but the only person to blame for my lack of life is ME because I lacked the courage to live my dreams. In essence I have become my worst nightmare and I can't seem to escape it.

It not all doom and gloom though because I have a husband who loves me despite all my moans and groans. I have 3 bright, intelligent enquiring children who are facing up to life in their own way. My Mum and Dad still love me despite complaining about them all the time. All in All I have comfortable life but .......thats the but.

Many people especially those ones who are struggling just to survive will say 'hell, what's she complaining about now?" Exactly! Why can't I be happy? What the F*** is wrong with me?

People I have seen since 2007 started (129 days) apart from shop assistants and family - 2.

Jobs I have applied to- at least 25 and 1 interview

Volunteer nowhere but have applied to one institution No reply despite the fact they are listing numerous openings. Why haven't I returned to the Blanton - wanting to do more than hand out head sets to visitors or stand watching visitors looking at paintings. Jealous of all those young people in the jobs I want.

Paintings - none
drawings - none unless you count the doodles I have done recently
embroidery- lots and enjoy that

Exercise - infrequently, walk the dog at least twice a week

Weight - steady but going down (hopefully)

goals - to get a job somehow, actually enter an art competition instead of putting the entry forms to one side, saying I will do that at a later date. to Stop MOANING

Congrats to Elisabeth

My daughter called last night and said she had an interview with one of her Professors to get a personal recommendation for a masters course after the summer. Not only did she get a personal recommendation but he has said he wants her to do his masters course plus work for him on a research project during the summer.

I am so pleased for her as she has been worrying her head off about what is happening after the summer once she has finished her degree. As I said she had already applied for a masters course but she also had several other options up her sleeve if things didn't pan out the way she wanted. One of them was moving to Australia for a year, doing an internship on environmental projects. I'm kinda of pleased she is not moving away as once she finishes her masters she could be going anywhere in the world. I'm not ready for her to go away yet. 22 yrs seemed a long time when she was born but really its like a blink of an eye.

Elisabeth really does seemed to have become so much more focus in the last 6 months. Before that she seemed have a negativity about her which really wasn't normal for her. However she now seems to know the direction she want to go work wise. As she is more focus, she is slimmer and healthier than I have seen her for a while and she is not worrying about boyfriends, just having a good time. Now she just needs to work on the financial side of her personality, unfortunately she has no understanding of finance at all. Bit like me at the age to be honest! Uh? that's me now!

My latest beaded doll is now up on my art blog if you want to see it.