and still I am looking for a job. I had 2 interviews on Monday. One with Joann's which seemed to go well but as soon as she told me that I would be getting $7.50 an hour, I said no way. It really wouldn't be worth travelling for 25-30 mins to work for such a low wage. Besides that's 5c less than what my youngest earns. The other one was at the Sears call centre, which I know I would be able to do as I did a similar job in the mid 90's with Sky Broadcasting in Dunfermline. However, as I haven't heard back from them so I am not holding out much hope.
Anyway life goes on. I never did get the ironing done, its still sitting there. Today and tomorrow are meant to be quite stormy so the light is pretty poor, so instead of stitching I think I will do at least some of the other chores I should be doing. Unfortunately for housework, I find stitching and creating much much much more interesting!
I am coming to the conclusion that my Husband is a bit of an emotional intellectual bully and I don't think he realises it. How can he, if I am only just realising it.
Currently I am hiding from him the fact I take antidepressants and started retaking the sleeping pills. I am also in collusion with my youngest daughter about the use of the air conditioning upstairs during the night.
Why? because Gordon doesn't believe in taking anti depressants in anyway, just last night he started ranting about anti depressants because of an ad on TV "see that just proves what I say, anti depressants just don't work!" I didn't see the ad in question as I was reading (odd I know but occasionally I read) so I did my usual nodded and grunted approval as I wasn't in the mood to have a discussion about something he has fixed viewpoints on. In my mind I was thinking so 'who do you think those pills boxes with Cymbalta printed on them are for and haven't you noticed I am much more upbeat these days? '
Sleeping pills, he probably realises I have taken them for the last couple of nights because, well, I have been sleeping. In his mind I am being weak, so I will go a couple of sleepless nights but by the 3rd or 4th night I am craving sleep but it doesn't come so I succumb to chemically induced sleep. I feel guilty and happy at the same time, I always feel so much better after a full nights sleep but guilty that I am deceiving Gordon.
The air conditioning, fair enough it hasn't been hot enough to have it on all day yet but at night, its really sticky here at the moment. So when Emily admitted she put it on at night, switching it off in the morning I kept quite about it. Of course last Saturday, Gordon found out and went berserk! (verbally). I said I could understand as I sleep in a pool of sweat every night and maybe I would like the air conditioning on but no he wasn't having it. If it too hot, open a window (yeah, let all the humid air come into the house). I put the ceiling fan on the other week but the next morning he was complaining as he didn't sleep so well, (he seemed to be sleeping ok to me?)So Emily and I are hiding the fact the air conditioning is on upstairs at night and I sleep in a pool of sweat.
So many times I have to bite my tongue. Sometimes I argue back but mostly I let it ride over my head, saying the appropriate hm's and ahhs at the right time. It reminds me so much of my teenage years and the discussions with my Dad, just like Gordon he was always right! Don't get me wrong I love Gordon to pieces (sexiest body on the planet as far as I am concerned
) but he can be obstinate bugger at times if he thinks he's right and you are not. I think I share the same traits but I keep in my head most of the time. Trouble is he's getting worse as he gets older, oh God he becoming a grumpy Old Man. 
Anyway life goes on. I never did get the ironing done, its still sitting there. Today and tomorrow are meant to be quite stormy so the light is pretty poor, so instead of stitching I think I will do at least some of the other chores I should be doing. Unfortunately for housework, I find stitching and creating much much much more interesting!
I am coming to the conclusion that my Husband is a bit of an emotional intellectual bully and I don't think he realises it. How can he, if I am only just realising it.
Currently I am hiding from him the fact I take antidepressants and started retaking the sleeping pills. I am also in collusion with my youngest daughter about the use of the air conditioning upstairs during the night.
Why? because Gordon doesn't believe in taking anti depressants in anyway, just last night he started ranting about anti depressants because of an ad on TV "see that just proves what I say, anti depressants just don't work!" I didn't see the ad in question as I was reading (odd I know but occasionally I read) so I did my usual nodded and grunted approval as I wasn't in the mood to have a discussion about something he has fixed viewpoints on. In my mind I was thinking so 'who do you think those pills boxes with Cymbalta printed on them are for and haven't you noticed I am much more upbeat these days? '
Sleeping pills, he probably realises I have taken them for the last couple of nights because, well, I have been sleeping. In his mind I am being weak, so I will go a couple of sleepless nights but by the 3rd or 4th night I am craving sleep but it doesn't come so I succumb to chemically induced sleep. I feel guilty and happy at the same time, I always feel so much better after a full nights sleep but guilty that I am deceiving Gordon.
The air conditioning, fair enough it hasn't been hot enough to have it on all day yet but at night, its really sticky here at the moment. So when Emily admitted she put it on at night, switching it off in the morning I kept quite about it. Of course last Saturday, Gordon found out and went berserk! (verbally). I said I could understand as I sleep in a pool of sweat every night and maybe I would like the air conditioning on but no he wasn't having it. If it too hot, open a window (yeah, let all the humid air come into the house). I put the ceiling fan on the other week but the next morning he was complaining as he didn't sleep so well, (he seemed to be sleeping ok to me?)So Emily and I are hiding the fact the air conditioning is on upstairs at night and I sleep in a pool of sweat.
So many times I have to bite my tongue. Sometimes I argue back but mostly I let it ride over my head, saying the appropriate hm's and ahhs at the right time. It reminds me so much of my teenage years and the discussions with my Dad, just like Gordon he was always right! Don't get me wrong I love Gordon to pieces (sexiest body on the planet as far as I am concerned
) but he can be obstinate bugger at times if he thinks he's right and you are not. I think I share the same traits but I keep in my head most of the time. Trouble is he's getting worse as he gets older, oh God he becoming a grumpy Old Man. 
1 comments:
Oh boy...sounds like our place at times...but strangely since Christmas we have had few "discussions' I haven't given up...he's just too sick to argue with and is suffering enough...also needs the air con on because of his breathing...he started becomming a grumpy old man mid forties...but of late has mellowed (56) also I had all my amalgams and a root canal removed at a detnist qualified to get rid of the mercury properly and safely...and now the root canal is gone, no more metallic taste and vaguely aching jaw...and I have noticed my hit flushes have lessened dramatically...also I feel calmer in that I can let things flow over me more easily...its just not worth the fight....also we have no kids at home but we always had plenty of stuff I knew and the kids knew but Don did not...we can alugh about all of than now...but carefully.
Re pills etc...you do what you have to do...but as far as antidepressants when you are able to come down off them do it ever so slowly, a quarter of a tab for a month and at that rate... just be kind to yourself...you are a person first.
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